ok, so i really havent spoken to anyone in a looong time but then i suddenly decided that what the hell, i must start talking! thats all bullshit! im just kidding! but there's really a lot that i have to tell of my happenings in the past what...9 months?

firstly, on 7th september, 2008, i was suddenly kicked out of my own house! it goes like this...the previous day, my boss at the office (you guys know i work, right? i used to work @ indiainfoline, this broker's office.) told me that i couldnt work there bcuz i was underage (16) and that i had to go to college and get a damn education! so i went home and told my dad the circumstances and he was like : wtf, this boss thinks too much of himself...im gonna teach that dude a lesson and blah blah blah blah! so i began crying, but said nothing and then i prayed...i really prayed to God that He would change things for me and that my plight would be mentioned in His high courts! then i went to sleep vouching that if God didnt change my situation the very next day, i would SURELY commit suicide! that was 6th september, a wednesday. then the next morning, a sudden outburst rang out from my dad for NO reason! i will have to admit, we cant doubt the power of God! so in my rage, i said that as soon as i turned 18, i would screw my dad's case. i actually sed that. that was that. my dad decided that he no longer whanted me in the house. so in duffel bag, a few things were packed(no soap and no anything useful) and i was packed off to alibaug (my boarding school as you guys probably know). i stayed there till december. then on 31st december, i headed for Mathura (in uttar pradesh) and then there i was supposed to be enrolled at the ISC science school and then i thought i could do it and when i saw the books...i felt like an infant! everything was in greek!
so then i had to comr back and now im in sharekhan. still underage but very different as i will state below.

MY LUV LIFE
so when i went to alibaug and there was this dude who i thought liked me. turned out that he liked my best friend (wahteva!) so we turned out to be great friends...i actually helped him to get hooked up and then...nothing. but there was this other dude who i absolutely adored and it turned out that he was engaged and he told me that if he had to know that i would come back to alibaug, then he would have marreid me! ha! ha! but that didnt stop us from fooling around (after all, he wasnt yet MARRIED, right?) then in the church (do i leave out ANY place?) i MADLY fell for this dude and gave him a 10 buck keychain with this heart floating in red shiny water! the bitch that he is (im NOT flaming) turned out that he took my key chain and was cheating behind my back with this buck-toothed slut! i mean yuk! its an insult to me!
anywayz, when i came to mathura, there was this guy who i loved at first sight. we both loved each other. WE SLEPT WITH EACH OTHER FOR 3 AND A HALF WEEKS FLAT...EVEN THROUGH MY PERIODS! let me tell you that he's one gooood banger! he bangs really hard and really well. hez a natural! then...we got (secretly) engaged! im thrilled. i plan to get married after 18...and ALL you guys are invited to the wedding! it will  be one romantic affair. we'll probably be fucking in front of the judge! his name is Laxman.

MY SPIRITUAL LIFE
After i came home, i felt really sad bcuz it had been a while since i actually saw my folks. but then i prayed to God and then i watched GOD TV and i got a FREE Bible (which i read everyday) and i have changed. really changed. im much more less of a devil! one book that changed me was Dr. D G S Dinakaran's book about his visitations to heaven and hell that made me re think about this life. life is sooo short...eternity is forever.

hey. finally im willing to talk(or write...whatever!) but ill tell you the reason for my suicidal thoughts

 

firstly, my mom's got a real bad atitiude because she was treated real bad in her childhood. i mean, she was once chained to the sink and beaten! that's really bad. so my mom, now that she's grown and having fun on her own, she takes control...too much control. but she loses her control over her tongue, to such an extent that she calls me a bitch etc etc and she's tried more than ten times to kill me.

 

ok, im not looking for pity here, just that i said id talk.

 

things started getting worse where i would go to school crying and my lip swollen and then my ssc results were to come up and i was so scared that if i got less marks, she would really kill me. she even threatened to not send me to college claiming that i would get pregnant, just judging my past. anyways, i was so scared and so damn uncertain of my future, that wateva i dreamed of would be flushed down the toilet, i decided to commit suicide. i planned everytrhing, finished every unfinished thing etc

 

but that night was the night of my life. i felt as though god was speaking to me, urging me to carry on. i saw that through all my badness, god had a plan for me and that i would be too selfish to do such a thing. believe me, iv tried several times to commit suicide but everytime i did, something came up. i gave up the idea and promised god that never again would i ruin my life again. i stopped the alcohol and cutting myself etc and learned to live a POSITIVE life.

 

believe you me, never again has anything gone wrong in my life. everything's going more than perfect. i mean, iv got into college, my mom and i can actually stay in a room together for more than 1 minute without yelling at each other and saying rude things to each other and she's stopped picking on me! alleluia!

 

so, there's the mystery in a nutshell...

OK I HAVE TO SAY THAT IT'S GOOD TO BE ALIVE! IT'S THE BEST DAMN THING! AND I HAVE NOTHING ELSE TO SAY BECAUSE I AM DAMN TIRED OF WRITING!

WHAT IS LIFE AND WHAT IS DEATH? IT’S SO SCARY TO THINK ABOUT DEATH BUT YES, MY TIME HAS COME AND I THINK THAT IT’S THE ONLY THING I COULD DO. SUICIDE. DAMN, I THOUGHT ONLY COWARDS DID IT. BUT NOW I REALISE THAT ONLY THOSE WITH BASIC GUTS CAN ACTUALLY DO SOMETHING LIKE THIS. I LOVED LIFE. I LOVED MY POPULARITY, I LOVED GETTING INTO TROUBLE AND GETTING OUT OF IT AND JUST LOVED EVERYTHING ELSE. BUT, HELL NO, MY PERFECT LIFE OR AT LEAST TOLERABLE LIFE WOULD HAVE TO CRASH. FOR REASONS TO DEEP TO INDULGE IN, TOO HURTFUL TO TELL, I HAD TO DO THIS. I WOULD HAVE COMMITTED SUICIDE AS ON 26^TH JUNE, 2007 IF SOME FUCKING MIRACLE HADN’T HAPPENED TO STOP ME. BUT SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO FULFILL YOUR INCOMPLETE DESTINY. IT’S AS SIMPLE AS THAT.

I’M GONNA SAY WHATEVER I HAVE TO SAY, BECAUSE IT’S THE LAST TIME I CAN SAY IT…HERE GOES…

WHEN I WAS 7 YEARS OLD, I KINDA HAD A CRUSH ON THIS DUDE WHO LIVED OPPOSITE ME. HIS NAME WAS ABBAS HARARWALA. I HOPE HE DOESN’T GET INTO ANY SORT OF TROUBLE FOR THIS, BUT IT WASN’T AT ALL HIS FAULT. ANYWAY, I THOUGHT IT WOULD GO AWAY LIKE EVERY OTHER OF MY GIRLY CRUSHES. BUT SOON IT STARTED TO SOMETHING MORE. WHENEVER I REMEMBERED, I WOULD SAY GOODNIGHT TO HIM EVEN THOUGH I KNEW THAT HE DIDN’T GIVE A HOOT FOR ME. IN FACT, I CAME TO KNOW THAT HE HAD A GIRLFRIEND(I CAN’T WAIT TO HAUNT HER). BUT ABBAS, IF YOU’RE READING THIS BY CHANCE, I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT NO MATTER WHICH GUY CAME ACROSS INTO MY LIFE, YOU AND ONLY YOU WOULD BE THE GUY WHO MADE MY HEART STOP AND MY CHEEKS GROW HOT. IN FACT IN 5^TH GRADE, I GOT INTO TROUBLE WHEN MY MOM FOUND THIS LOVE DECLARATION TO YOU. I HAD TO LIE BUT YEAH, THERE WAS NO WAY SHE DOESN’T KNOW THE TRUTH. I’LL LOVE YOU, ALWAYS…

 

James Blunt - Goodbye My Lover Lyrics                

Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your head.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

I am a dreamer but when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father(MOTHER, WHATEVER!) of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bear my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.

 

JAMES BLUNT-GOODBYE MY LOVER
 

Add to My Profile | More Videos

 

AND HERE’S MY FAVORITE SONG…

 

Evanescence – Lithium lyrics

 

Lithium, don't want to lock me up inside.

Lithium, don't want to forget how it feels without...

Lithium, I want to stay in love with my sorrow.

Oh, but God, I want to let it go.

 

Come to bed, don't make me sleep alone.

Couldn't hide the emptiness, you let it show.

Never wanted it to be so cold.

Just didn't drink enough to say you love me.

 

I can't hold on to me,

Wonder what's wrong with me.

 

Lithium, don't want to lock me up inside.

Lithium, don't want to forget how it feels without...

Lithium, I want to stay in love with my sorrow.

 

Don't want to let it lay me down this time.

Drown my will to fly.

Here in the darkness I know myself.

Can't break free until I let it go.

Let me go.

 

Darling, I forgive you after all.

Anything is better than to be alone.

And in the end I guess I had to fall.

Always find my place among the ashes.

 

I can't hold on to me,

Wonder what's wrong with me.

 

Lithium, don't want to lock me up inside.

Lithium, don't want to forget how it feels without...

Lithium, ...stay in love with my sorrow.

I'm gonna let it go.

 

 

THEN THERE’S MY ALL-TIME FAV

 

Fergie – Fergalicious lyrics

 

[Will.I.Am]
Four, tres, two, uno

Listen up ya'll, cause this is it
The beat that I'm banging is delicious

[Fergie]
Fergalicious definition make them boys go loco
They want my treasure so they get their pleasures from my photo
You can see me, you can't squeeze me
I ain't easy, I ain't sleazy
I got reasons why I tease 'em
Boys just come and go like seasons

Fergalicious (Fergalicious)
But I ain't promiscuous
And if you were suspicious
All that shit is fictitious
I blow kisses (muahhh)
That puts them boys on rock rock
And they be lining down the block just to watch what I got
(Four, tres, two, uno)

So delicious (It's hot hot)
So delicious (I put them boys on rock rock)
So delicious (They want a slice of what I got)
I'm Fergalicious (t-t-t-t-t tastey, tastey)

Fergalicious def-, Fergalicious def-, Fergalicious def-
Fergalicious definition make them boys go crazy
They always claim they know me
Coming to me call me Stacey (Hey Stacey)
I'm the F to the E, R, G the I the E
And can't no other lady put it down like me

I'm Fergalicious (So delicious)
My body stay vicious
I'll be up in the gym just working on my fitness
He's my witness (Oooh whee)
I put yo' boy on rock rock
And he be lining down the block just to watch what I got
(Four, tres, two, uno)

So delicious (It's hot hot)
So delicious (I put them boys on rock rock)
So delicious (They want a slice of what I got)
I'm Fergalicious (Hold hold hold hold hold up, check it out)

Baby, baby, baby
If you really want me
Honey get some patience
Maybe then you'll get a taste
I'll be tasty, tasty, I'll be laced with lacey
It's so tasty, tasty, It'll make you crazy

[Will.I.Am]
T to the A to the S T E Y girl you tastey
T to the A to the S T E Y girl you tastey

[Fergalicious lyrics on http://www.metrolyrics.com]

D to the E to the L I C I O U S
To the D to the E to- to- to- hit it Fergie

[Fergie]
[Rap]
All the time I turn around always brothers gather round
Always looking at me up and down looking at my (Uh)
I just wanna say it now I ain't trying to round up drama
Little mama I don't wanna take your man
And I know I'm coming off just a little bit conceited
And I keep on repeating how the boys wanna eat it
But I'm trying to tell, that I can't be treated like clientele

Cause they say she's delicious (So delicious)
But I ain't promiscuous
And if you was suspicious
All that shit is fictitious
I blow kisses (muahhh)
That puts them boys on rock rock
And they be lining down the block just to watch what I got
(Got, got, got)

Four, tres, two, uno
My body stay vicious
I be up in the gym just working on my fitness
He's my witness (Oooh whee)
I put yo' boy on rock rock
And he be lining down the block just to watch what I got
(Four, tres, two, uno)

So delicious (Aye, aye, aye, aye)
So delicious (Aye, aye, aye, aye)
So delicious (Aye, aye, aye, aye)
I'm Fergalicious (t-t-t-t-t tastey, tastey)

So delicious (Aye, aye, aye, aye)
So delicious (Aye, aye, aye, aye)
So delicious (Aye, aye, aye, aye)
I'm Fergalicious (t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t Aye, aye, aye, aye)

[Will.I.Am]
T to the A, to the S T E Y girl you tastey
T to the A, to the S T E Y girl you tastey
T to the A, to the S T E Y girl you tastey
T to the A, to- to- to- to- to- (Four, tres, two, uno)
D to the E to the L I C I O U S
To the D to the E to the L I C I O U S
To the D to the E to the L I C I O U S
To the D to the E to- to- to- to- (Four, tres, two, uno)

T to the A, to the S T E Y girl you tastey
T to the A, to the S T E Y girl you tastey
T to the A, to the S T E Y girl you tastey
T to the A, to- to- to- to-(Four, tres, two, uno)
D to the E to the L I C I O U S
To the D to the E to the L I C I O U S
To the D to the E to the L I C I O U S
To the D to the E to- to- to- to- to- to...

 

I LOVE ALL!

I HAVE TO SAY THAT IT’S SOOO FUNNY THE WAY INDIANS BEHAVE. I MEAN, AS SOON AS A BOY STARTS TALKING TO A GIRL OR VICE VERSA, THEY BEGIN TO THINK OF A LONG TERM RELATIONSHIP, TO MARRIAGE TO HAVING KIDS AND WHAT THEIR NAMES WILL BE ETC ETC! AND THEY JUST CAN’T THINK OF HAVING A DESCENT RELATIONSHIP THAT IS SHORT TERM AND SPECIAL. OR BETTER STILL, JUST BEING FRIENDS. THEY THINK THAT THE OPPOSITE SEX IS JUST SOOO ATTRACTED TO THEM. FOR EXAMPLE, I STARTED CHATTING WITH THIS DUDE FROM BANGALORE(NO NAMES PLEASE, I DON’T WANNA BE SUED!) AND HE IMMEDIATELY BEGAN THINKING GOD-KNOWS-WHAT SO I STOPPED CHATTING WITH HIM. SAME WAY OTHERWISE. I JUST WANNA SAY…CAN WE INDIANS JUST STOP THIS DUMB BEHAVIOUR!

i must say that some people's lives just suck! i mean, they suck real big time and mine is just like that. imagine this: you're this sixteen year old chick working in an office and having these married men stare at you as though you're this sex bomb that they can't wait to get their hands on and then you blame yourself that maybe you don't walk properly, you know, walk in this sexy way and you feel like killing yourself because you can't help but be beautiful. and then of course there's the hot guy(i won't take his name) who you literally worship and hey, he doesn't give a shit about you...now doesn't life really suck?